Sunday Night. June.22.2008 6:58p.m

Aside from the recent event of one of my close friends passing away..i've been pretty well. I've been happy thinking of Brett alot. I miss him, and i hope to hear from him soon. I still haven't sent, or f inished his care package yet...sadly. But i wrote him recently asking him for the address i could send it too.  I also had to let him know why i've been avoiding myspace for a few days.

I'm spending  a week in my home town with my friend Gracie. And i 'm pretty excited that i get to see one of my best friends, she's been my friend since 6th grade. We met because we randomally started talking in P.E and found out our names were almost exactly the same. lol. Elizabeth..wow it's been forever since i've seen her. I'm actaully really happy for her though, she's happily in love. And he treats her with the respect she deserves so, i'm happy for him too. 

I'm going to go ahead and cut this short. I'd rather not rant on and on tonight.

-Dylan

(in memory of Matthew Ficher)
he was a great friend, and great conversation. He was there multiple of times when some of my friends weren't willing to be. He was a close friend, and i will miss him. I'll never forget the time he told me he beat up his bass player :p lol it was funny. Matthew..what can i say, he was a humorous person.  

Saturday Night. June. 14. 2008  8:33p.m 

Today, It's like everyone wanted to see me in pain, in complete misery. As much as my back has been killing me, i STILL cooked and cleaned for them, after spending 3 hours in the grocery store. I had cook for 8 people again..And got little to no appreciation. And i'm suppose to do Heathers hair tonight. 
Oh, I did hear from Brett today though, and that made my heart just completly..stop. It was the happiest moment of my day. No one's ever made my heart skip beats..it's like steals my heart again everyday, and he doesn't even know it.  I'm so proud of him. I'm so proud of what he does and everything about him. No one's perfect..but he's pretty damn close. :] I do miss him though, and i would really love to hear his voice. But i have to wait awhile, and i understand that. I really do. 
I know he's constantly busy. :] but i adore 5 seconds with him. Any moment..i keep cherrished. 

Now that you've heard the good point and bad points about my day, i suppose i should probably go since it's kind of difficult for me to type and listen to music at the same time. I can't tell you how many times i just typed lyrics instead of what i wanted to type. So if this entry looks a bit odd, i'm sorry. :]

Wensday Night. June. 11. 2008 11:34p.m 

The more i think about it, the more i miss him. But day by day, My heart grows for him. It really does. I'm still very proud of him, but i really hope to hear from him soon. Its been about 2 1/2 weeks than the last time he called. First time he called me since he had been sent back. And i missed that phone call because that night i had stayed up until 6 a.m to see if he would get online but he never did, so i finally went to bed and he called at 8:15a.m. I woke up at 9a.m to a voicemail he had left. And i still feel bad, if i would have gone to bed earlier that night i could have talked to him. But i didn't even wake up. 

And I suppose that something else that is bothering me, is how everyone in my house is in a constant bicker. I can't stand it. But hopefully after today things will be adequatly better. I would love to be around a more peaceful environment, maybe i wouldn't be so stressed all the time.

I can honestly say, Sheena has been the only one here for me this past week, and i thank god that i met her, and she's in my life. She helps me through so much, and knows exactly what i'm going through more than half the time. I couldn't ask for a better friend. Honestly. Thank you so much Sheena. 

-Dylan

Tuesday morning. June.10.2008 1:29a.m

For the first time in so long, the past few days, i've felt completly emotionless. I've had so much stress and so little sleep. My body is literally worn down and tired. I know it's been awhile since i've written, and i've deleted my past entries so that i could start over. Today, i feel, that i really need to start getting my life together just a little better. I need some type of a rational schedule to keep myself occupied, and healthy at the same time. Since Brett left, there has been a small part of my heart that's slightly darkened, but the rest of my heart is still luminous with the light of the joy that it gives me to think of him. The memories will always be a pleasant start to my day. For a year. I have Heather, and Gracie to help keep my heart lightend. The only thing with that is, they're constantly busy with their boyfriends, so sometimes i feel like i don't really matter. But should i ever come to any use, or they need me, i'll be here. I know they love me, they should know that i love them, but i suppose that through all of this panic, and nausia the thought of not feeling important kind of sticks to my mind. And it really does feel that way sometimes. But maybe it's just me. 

Heather tells me that i have to many bad feelings often, and that i let them over take my mind. It's not that i'm trying to let them over take my mind, but when you have so many dreams that often happen, you would be aware and on your toes to avoid it as much as i have as well. It's a scary thing. It really is. 

Any ways, i'm thinking tomorrow i need to start my excersing. Hopefully i'll be motivated, and have will enough to do so. I've had nothing to really make me happy, and it's almost to the point, that i'm ashamed to smile, because nothing seems...of interest. And i feel hidious, because i have no reason to smile. I'm alone for the most part. But the past few days i've been keeping up the house and doing my share along with other peoples share of work, while being ignored by pretty much everyone, and being told your horrid and lazy all the time, doesn't help any. When you've got a sister like mine that puts you down every second of the day almost, and makes you feel inferior, then you tend to feel like shit. Because no matter what i do, i just don't feel good enough to please anyone. And to be quite frank, Brett is the only happy thought i have in my mind anymore. Everything else has been destroyed due to lack of communication and lack of feeling loved. 

-Dylan